just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
