And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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