i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize