kristin has been a bad kristin
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
