im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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