i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
