Whod you bang
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
