Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize