Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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