I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you never un-have a 4some
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
