got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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