The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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