38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
there is glitter all over my balls
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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