You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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