you guys were way drunker than both of me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
