I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize