I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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