I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
