I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
