I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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