i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
