Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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