why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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