Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize