So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
