Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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