people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
