i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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