i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize