brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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