I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize