I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How's work?
Spinning.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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