forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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