You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
