Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
