spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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