I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
