Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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