somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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