Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
