it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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