Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
