Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
