Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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