My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
