I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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