haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
