i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
