I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i came on her dog
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
