So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
organizing the empties. That sober.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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