You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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