I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize