i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
