Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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