I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
