there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
