So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
