Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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