Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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