I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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