my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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