the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
