and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Someone came in the potted fern
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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