When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
